Letting Go. A Little Dab'll Do Ya

Start Letting Go of Small, Painful Things, and Pay Attention

by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | December 10, 2014

I love talking to people about meditation and living a meditative lifestyle. Often, those conversations are about letting go. 

Sometimes I talk to people and they tell me that letting go is just too hard, and that they can't do it. I usually say something like, "That's fine then. Don't worry about it." 

I know they are worried because they want to get the benefits of meditation. They have invested a lot of time and attention, and they might be thinking, well, if I don't get it about this "letting go" thing, maybe I will miss out on Peace of Mind or something else abstract but cool sounding. 

I don't worry about them at that point, because this is just the beginning of the conversation, and I have done this before. We talk more, and somehow it comes out that they are thinking of letting go of something HUGE, such as a cherished identity like being a drummer, or an intimate relationship such as loving their children, or something that is part of the social contract like having money. They talk about letting go of something that is pleasing for them or something that helps them get along in life. "Don't let go. Don't worry about it." I say. I reassure them that they can still be an awesome meditator.

"Arise" by Jennifer Rose

At that point, I try to steer the conversation to something small that they could let go of. I might say something like, "Are there any small things you could let go of? Things that don't make you feel good, or even make you feel bad? For example, do you have a pair of socks with holes in them that you never wear, but keep in your drawer because your grandparents were raised during the depression and never got new socks? Do you have something that you would be better off without? Why not start with that? I have never met a person who couldn't think of something they had that they didn't really want or need. 

We talk about getting rid of those holey socks. And it turns out that those socks might be pretty difficult to let go of. The rational mind may be ready to let go of the socks, but something else is holding on. I don't tell them to get rid of the socks. I ask them whether they think they might be able to mindfully move in the direction of letting go of the socks. I tell them I want them to notice every single feeling and thought that arises around letting go of those socks. I tell them to study and learn as much as they can about letting go from those socks. 

They leave the conversation challenged, courageous, excited. "Maybe I can let go," they think. 

I love talking to people about meditation. Everything about it has a natural evolution. Letting go of some unused socks can become a profound understanding of attachment. It can lead to useful insights into the nature of attachment and identity. We let go of socks, and we get interested in the process. We move onto the baking dish that is perfectly good, but hasn't been used in fifteen years. We find ourselves giving more thought to acquiring things, and whether they will bring pleasure or pain. Paying attention to the nature of our own attachments can show us our unique path to ease and freedom. 

"Letting Go" is one of the images on the 2-Minute Practice Cards which introduce the chakras. They are available in the Better Existence Etsy store in physical and digital formats. 

Aches? Pains? Miseries? Meditation can help.

Physical, Emotional, and Mental Pains Can Be Lessened

by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | November 20, 2014

Meditation is a peaceful, alert state of consciousness that results from practicing a series of increasingly subtle skills. Researchers today are studying the effects of this ancient practice and finding evidence that meditation lowers stress, improves physical and emotional health, increases focus, and even increases feelings of love. 

How long does your mind typically stay with one thought before it moves on to something new? Having a one-pointed mind is one of the subtle skills you develop as you learn to meditate. 

The Yoga Sutras compiled by Patanjali around 400 CE say that a one-pointed mind resolves life's physical, emotional and mental suffering. 

"A Safe Place" by Jennifer Rose

There are physical and breathing exercises that bring about inner states of relaxation and alertness. These states are conducive to cultivating focus. The mastery of these states has been systematized and articulated so that anyone can learn to make their mind one-pointed.

Even before you are properly meditating, realizations come from these practices that empower you. For example, you may notice that deep, diaphragmatic breathing can make you feel calmer. 

Meditation, as I teach and practice it, is secular and can be practiced by people from all walks of life. 

2-Minute Meditation Cards present the practices of ancient India as taught by Swami Rama, and introduce some of the current research to inspire you and give you confidence. 

Each of the 9 cards has a beautiful, soothing image on the front. On the back, the cards guide you in developing skills that will establish a meditation practice that you can rely on for the rest of your life. Step by step and one by one the cards guide you to work with your body, your breath, and then your mind to obtain a state of relaxation, ease, and mental focus. 

If you have been considering starting a meditation practice, but somehow haven't gotten started, these cards provide tangible support. If you have a meditation practice that has lapsed, these cards can be reminders and companions that bring you back to your practice. 

If you need more support, schedule a consultation. I have been teaching meditation and yoga for 15 years. 646-831-2675

If you wish to schedule 4 sessions during December--whether you are a beginner, or need support to reach your next goal, I will send you the cards as a thank you gift.

Learn to meditate. Be supported. 

Better Existence. BE

9 Words That Will Come to Your Aid in Times of Need

Interesting. What is the Best That I Can Do?

by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | October 23, 2014

For everything that plagues you, from dealing with a bad boss to coming to terms with a painful loss, these 9 words: Interesting. What is the best that I can do? will guide you. 

Interesting.

Say this word, and you engage the mind. You engage intellectual curiosity. You are lifted above disorienting emotions. The tone with which you say it makes a difference. Sincerity counts. Here, Spock provides a tutorial, using his touchstone, "fascinating."

For my generation, Spock is an icon of the intellect. When my yoga teacher, Nishit Patel, says, "interesting," his tone is lighter and more playful than Spock's tone. You will find a tone that works for you. Experiment a bit, and see what feels good. 

What is the best that I can do?

This question works on many levels. It inspires effort. It engages the mind to sort through options. It reassures that the best will be good enough. Perfection is not human. Sometimes the best that we can do is mourn. Whenever we do our best, we are engaged in an act of human dignity. 

This question is asked internally. Who asks? Who answers? We all have within us a compass that points toward what is right for us. This question engages that compass. 

Credit Where Credit Is Due

Nishit Patel coined, and has repeatedly advised the use of this phrase. It came up most recently during the first Conversation With Walking Yogi Nishit Patel. You can subscribe to future conversations. The next one is November 5th at 7pm New York time, and the topic will be "Life Altering Changes." You can also purchase recorded conversations after they occur. If you friend him on Facebook, his status updates are simple, practical reflections on yoga philosophy. 

These 9 words are also at the heart of Strength-focused coaching, as I have learned it from Jerald Forster. My stepdad is constantly showing me that being interested in whatever life dishes out and doing one's best can bring about the best possible outcomes emotionally and mentally, and even physically. The happiest man I know is fighting to be a two-time cancer survivor, and I hold him with a prayer in my heart. Right now that is the best I can do. 

I am not always glad when life is interesting, but being interested, and alert to my strengths always helps. 

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Better Existence was founded to help people achieve their goals. Whether you want to improve a relationship, complete a novel, start a meditation practice, or another goal, Better Existence is here to help. Take your next step with caring support. 

Do You Wake Up and Have Trouble Going Back to Sleep? This Pose Could Be The Fix

Reclining Buddha Is Trying to Help You Rest

by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | September 29, 2014

Beautiful. Yes. Exotic. If you are a 24-year-old American girl, yes. The first time I traveled to Thailand and visited Wat Po, that is what I saw: a beautiful, exotic, enormous statue. That was half a lifetime ago. 

Today I see compassionate instruction. Perhaps we are not meant just to ogle this pose; we are meant to assume it, to see what the effects are. Perhaps its enormous size, more than 141 feet long, nearly half a football field, is an exclamation point on its meaning. This is a powerful pose. 

This pose healed my lifelong insomnia and terrible night anxiety. There must be someone else out there that it can help. I hope you will give it a try. 

How to Do the Pose

Notice these most important points about the position of the Reclining Buddha:

• He is lying on his right side.
• His platform is elevated under his right armpit.
• He is supporting his head.

Here is a photograph of the position I learned in yoga class with Nishit Patel, Vishnu Asana. This is the position I rest in when I wake up in the middle of the night and want to go back to sleep. 

• My left knee is bent, creating stability in the pose.
• My left elbow is bent, also for stability. 
• I am using a pillow to apply gentle pressure under my right armpit.

This pose changed my life. It gave me control over restlessness and nighttime anxiousness. If you are interested in understanding why it works, I can tell you, but try it first, and tell me what you experience. 

Use this pose to drift off to sleep, perhaps reading something calming to end the day, or use it to attain a calm state of mind if you wake up in the middle of the night. If you wake up anxious at 4am you are just like me. Lying in this pose might make as much of a difference in your life as it has in mine. 

If your right arm starts falling asleep, it is fine to move it.

If you do not find peace lying on your right side after twelve minutes or so, try lying on your left side in the same pose. I know 1 person who is more soothed on the left side than on the right side. 

I hope this helps you find relief. 

2-Minute Practice Cards: 2-Minute Bedtime Practices -- Wake Up Happy

Let's Talk About Discipline

Why Didn't Eknath Eat the Nut?

by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | September 8, 2014

Does the word "discipline" leave you cold? Does it bring to mind a sadistic drill sergeant? Does it reek of the exact opposite of what you want to cultivate in your life?  

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why is discipline being touted as a virtue, when it is the epitome of icky, repellent, mindless, slavish following?" 

Has this question nagged you, as you have read the likes of St. Teresa of Avila almost weeping off the page with entreaty to apply oneself in a disciplined way to, in her case, prayer?

Maybe you tell yourself, "Well, it's fine for saints, but a mere mortal, I . . ." 

The Ancient Toltec wisdom in don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom includes the equally impassioned entreaty, "Always do your best." 

What is the connection between discipline and personal freedom? 

The connection is simple but profound. 

There is a memorable scene in Eknath Easwaran's Passage Meditation: Bringing the Deep Wisdom of the Heart into Daily LIfe in which he describes being at someone's home and sitting near a bowl of cashews. He made up his mind to skip the cashews. However, he observed his hand, seeming almost independent, wandering toward the nut bowl again, and again, and again. Each time, he pulled his hand back. Because he had made up his mind, he brought that hand back empty again and again.

"Just eat the damn nut!" readers like me rail, "It's not like it's an entire pie." (There was this woman. She was in the hospital. In the night, she walked to the nurses' break room, went into the refrigerator, and ate the lemon meringue pie they had purchased for a party the next day. The whole pie. It wasn't like that.)  

Why didn't Eknath eat the nut?

Discpline can be doing something, such as prayer, a way of doing something, "your best," or not doing something, like eat the nut. 

Now ask yourself, if you make up your mind to ____________ (eat fewer calories, get up earlier, exercise regularly, save a few dollars each month, smile at the kids every day, stop using heroin) and at the critical moment you "do whatever you want to," you EAT THE NUT so to speak, are you free?

Have you ever felt like a slave to a habit?

Join the teleconference Conversations With Walking Yogi Nishit Patel before October 1st, when the topic will be Discipline. 

Nishit Patel, (who is great to friend on Facebook, because he is giving away the store every day with wise posts straight from the heart) tells a story about a Yogi Saint, Swami Ramtirth, who had a devotee who brought an apple each day at the same time. Until one day that devotee did not bring the apple! This Yogi Saint noticed that the absence of the expected apple created a mental disturbance. . . . He never ate another apple. 

This story demonstrates a premium placed on freedom from habits. It demonstrates the awesome power that habits have to disturb our minds, and the urgency to invest in conscious thought and action. 

Swami Sivananda of Gangotri to Bhole from 'At the Eleventh Hour' by Rajmani Tigunait (page 95): 

. . . discipline becomes torture if you do not understand its value and if you are not motivated to help yourself. It is self-motivation that prepares the ground for self-commitment. Only then do you enjoy the disciplines you undertake. Such discipline is called austerity. If you don't enjoy it, it is torture. 

 Join us in meaningful conversation on this topic and many more: Conversations With Walking Yogi Nishit Patel  the first Wednesday of every month. 

You Are Invited

Conversations With Walking Yogi Nishit Patel

by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | August 29, 2014

Yes, you are invited to hang out in the sublime company of yogis. You may know some of us from the old days at the Himilayan Institute in New York City, where Nishit was the director. You may be a student of Nishit's from post institute days. You may not yet have met Nishit at all, but be curious about the breadth and depth of yoga and meditation as a practice, a philosophy, a lifestyle. ALL are welcome. You can subscribe right here, on this website. 

I know you are busy. I know it seems impossible to commit to one more thing. But just once a month, if you set aside that first Wednesday and join us, it might go something like this: You slog home from your job exhausted. You ask yourself, "Self, why did you commit to this?" You almost don't log in, but somehow you do. Then, when you make the connection, you think you can hear someone smiling. How is that possible? And that smile settles into your heart. You already feel a little lighter. Then the conversation begins. These topics are not usually discussed. What is the purpose of life? What is death? What is eternity? The smile in your heart is joined by an expansive feeling of possibility unfolding. You feel inspired and uplifted.  It feels like home. At the end of the hour you feel like only a few minutes have passed. You hang up feeling encouraged and ready to transform your tomorrows. This is why yoga-minded people look for opportunities to join together for discussion, for satsang. 

Over the years, many of Nishit's students have relocated across the country and around the world. When I met him in 1998 the technology did not exist to overcome the obstacle of distance, but today, it hardly matters at all. 

When I relocated to Portland in 2012, I knew I would miss Nishit's weekly classes at Three Jewels in New York City. (Mondays at 6:30 PM). Now I see the wonderful opportunity, and I want to include as many old and new friends as I can in these conversations. 

So, check under your sofa cushions, or cancel that Hulu subscription you never use... I jest. But Nishit is really making himself available for a price that represents a token of appreciation each month, and making it possible for us to shine a little in that bathing glow that lights us up within. This is an awesome opportunity.

Your participation is as you wish. You don't even have to join the live call. You can download the recordings later at no additional cost. One subscription covers all. You can submit questions, or just listen in. 

To join the conversation, or to gain access to the recordings, click here, or choose the Events tab. You will be able to read more about the event and, especially, read Nishit's invitation. Hope to see you Wednesday, September 3rd at 7pm New York Time at the first Conversation. 

Seeing Things Differently

Looking Without Glasses

By Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | August 22, 2014

Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati has a wonderful public facebook group for his ashram called Abhyasa Ashram Satsang. He recently posted an autobiographical account of his life with Swami Rama called "Witness Everything." 

I just started reading it and I am already finding it inspiring, already recommending it. I love how tender the writing is toward himself and his journey. There is a little story about getting glasses in it. In the story he is prescribed glasses, then another doctor takes them away, but in the interim he contemplates the question, What am I not seeing that others are seeing? Even as a boy he deeply contemplated vision, and how people might see things differently. 

Although the ultimate gist of "seeing" can be pointing at something subtle, reading that is how I got inspired to take off my glasses. I am pretty darn nearsighted and have worn glasses nearly constantly except during sleep since I was in third grade. There is an idea that how things look without glasses is "wrong." But when I tried walking along without my glasses, the word that came to mind to describe my vision was "gentle." When I put my glasses back on, the world seemed almost like it was screaming at my eyes, and I took my glasses off again and enjoyed my vision in its unique and natural state a little bit more. 

There is a theme in my conversations and reflections today about doing things in a way that is new, eschewing the habitual. 

I ate a melon I had never heard of before, a Sprite Melon. The child in me rebelled at the unfamiliar food, like a normal kid, without tasting it. Then we decided it was okay. 

A friend and I discussed how refreshing it is to stretch the eyes up and down and side by side into the usually ignored realms. Identities fall away refreshingly, we agreed. (And because of the revolution I am starting I can't help mentioning that eye stretches are a wonderful exercise that anyone could do for 2 minutes a day. You can contact me for instruction, or read about it in the book Joints and Glands Exercises by Swami Rama.)

Here are some images that caught my naked eye when I took off my glasses. I hope you enjoy them. I had so much. Thanks Swami J.