Sometimes in life, we feel less wonderful than we might like. At those times, something inside may whisper to you that it is reasonable to expect to feel better. That is your own wisdom speaking to you. It is reasonable to expect to feel better. But how? The purpose of strengths-focused attending is to have a simple and practical way to reliably move in the direction of feeling better.
At times when we are feeling less than wonderful, we might feel like the cards are not stacked in our favor, there is no time for what we care about, we are not measuring up to the expectations of others, or some variation on such themes. If you happen to notice such feelings inside of you, well done! You are already doing the "attending." That is where it all begins.
Our experience of life is created from what we pay attention to. Our attention can move very quickly from one thing to the next. However, it is truly only possible to attend to, or focus on, one thing at a time. We pay attention to things outside of us, such as sunsets; feeling states inside of us, such as enjoyment; and thoughts, such as, "That is an awesome sunset. I wish I had my camera." While it may be enjoyable to pay attention to a sunset, there are also times when we may focus on feelings that are not enjoyable, such as feeling inadequate or anxious, for example.
We always have a choice about what to focus on, but do we exercise that choice? With some practice, you can create a habit of choosing what to focus on, instead of paying attention in a habitual way, to the same old things, feelings, and thoughts. There are different opinions about the best choice of what to pay attention to. Your own strengths is one good choice you can make. Strengths-focused attending is making a choice to focus and reflect on your own strengths, and the strengths of others. You can make a positive difference in how you feel by focusing on strengths.
So, what exactly is a "strength?" And how do you know when you are using one? We are not talking about going to the gym, and how much you can bench press. Marcus Buckingham has clarified that strengths are not always the same as things-we-are-good-at. Things-we-are-good-at can sometimes be exhausting, or leave us feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. On the other hand, strengths are personal qualities that cause positive feelings in us when we are using them, and after using them, too. When we use our strengths, we feel satisfied, perhaps even proud, and energized afterward.
So, learn from how you are feeling. Get really interested in your feeling states, and focus attention on those moments when you feel a little better, even if you don't feel totally wonderful. Try to notice two kinds of feeling-a-little-better: 1. feeling better for reasons that are outside of you, and 2. feeling better for reasons that are inside of you. When you are feeling better for reasons inside yourself, that is a clue that you are using one or more of your strengths.
Ask yourself, "What positive qualities do I see in myself at this time?" Here, you are shifting your focus to your strengths. Are you solving some problem? Are you being intuitive? Are you enjoying nature? These are all strengths! Are you being empathic? or focused? or creative? or dependable? All strengths! There is no end to the variety of strengths humans can express. Take your time finding words to articulate your strengths. Take time to reflect on positive experiences you have had in the past. Some of your best experiences will point to positive qualities in your character.
When you pay attention to your strengths, you will begin to see them more readily. You will find more opportunities to use your strengths in the future. And those positive feelings that pointed you in the direction of your strengths will be felt again as you use your strengths.
It's a simple process. Pay attention to how you feel, or reflect on times when you felt good in the past. Look for positive qualities, or strengths, that are or were part of your positive experience. Keep paying attention to positive experiences and positive qualities... and they will grow. Attention is to experience as water is to a plant. The experiences that we pay attention to grow. They multiply. That is why choosing to pay attention to strengths is a reliable way to move in the direction of feeling better.
