Personal Reflections on Mantra Meditation and Learning to Be Happy

Early in the process of learning mantra meditation--a practice in which the mind focuses internally on a special syllable, word, or phrase--I was taught that the meaning of my mantra would evolve with practice. This turned out to be true. At first, I was told very little about the mantra. I was told that the sanskrit word could be translated as beauty. I was encouraged to pursue the mantra's meaning in every way I could think of. I had a lot of fun googling my mantra on the internet. Seeing the word in different contexts added to its meaning. I found my mantra translated in different ways, other than beauty. I looked for the word in esoteric texts in the yoga, vedanta, and tantra sections of woo-woo bookstores. I learned that my mantra was held in high regard by master meditators. My intellectual understanding of the mantra grew. My respect for the mantra grew.

At the same time, I was focusing my mind on the mantra both during daily life--this is sometimes called japa--and during meditation practice. Many associations to the mantra came about through these practices. I recited the mantra when my mind was burdened, and the mantra had a focusing and calming effect. It was there like a friend, whenever I was in need. I listened for the mantra in meditation, and the mantra guided my scattered thoughts to an apprehension of peace and joy. The meaning of the mantra became very personal and rich. Today, the mantra sounds like a righteous sword unsheathing. I can feel it ringing in the depths of my whole being.  Every experience and new understanding has added meaning to the mantra. This deep relationship to mantra is one example of what I mean by learning to be happy. Happy and meaningful associations have clustered around something I intentionally make a central focus of my life.

This layering of meaning has taken place with other practices, too. It happened when I took up the practice of making gratitude lists. My first gratitude list was short, maybe two things, and I wasn't sure I meant it. My mind seemed eager to qualify my gratitude. The practice felt mechanical and shallow. I judged the practice to be inauthentic. Shouldn't gratitude just take a person over in the moment?  I stuck with it, anyway. One day I was doing an alphabetical gratitude list, internally. I had already done this a lot of times. A: I am grateful for air to breathe. B: I like butterflies. C: I am grateful for my cat. And I was kind of struck, all of a sudden. You know, I thought to myself, I really am grateful to my cat. She has given up every pleasure of natural catdom upon my whim to have a kitty. She has no cat friends, has had no babies, has spent her whole life in a little apartment, is always happy to see me. Hmmmm. You know what? I think I am really grateful for that cat. I just adore that cat! The gratitude felt good, and it felt true. The practice transformed as I realized that I am capable of real gratitude, and my appreciation of myself grew. I went back to A, and really felt grateful for the air that sustains my life. B: butterflies are really delightful, and I am truly grateful. The gratitude practice remained resonant and meaningful for me. Learning to focus my attention on the gratitude I already felt for my cat made me happier. Sometimes the gratitude wells up in me. However, I still find it very useful to direct my own thoughts toward gratitude intentionally.

When I was in high school, about 35 years ago, my stepfather, Jerald Forster, seemingly out of the blue, requested for his birthday one year that everyone at his party tell him something that we appreciate about him. In the language of strengths-focused coaching, he asked us to articulate his strengths. He also insisted that everyone give full attention to what each person said. This may have been my first exposure to being intentionally positive. I did not like it! My family was kind of witty and sarcastic. We tended to bond through excluding others, while maintaining a self-deprecating humor. We were funny and glib. It seemed to violate more than one cultural taboo to ask people to say something nice to you. So, we dealt with our discomfort by making fun of my stepfather. We said his stupid happy gene had run amok. (Why stupid and happy go together.... It makes no sense.) All the same, we did the exercise. We did it year after year, teasing him all the way, and as the years went by, he suggested we do it on the birthdays of other family members, too. Today, his grandchildren expect this to happen at their birthday parties. They look forward to hearing what each family member appreciates about them, and the practice evolved to include the birthday person restating the positive qualities they resonated with, and adding some of the qualities they appreciate in themselves. Through regular practice, and tolerating being laughed at, my stepfather changed the culture of my family. Finding the courage to break the taboos that kept me from experiencing and expressing respect and admiration in my relationships has made me a much happier person. It has made the people I relate to happier, too!

Click on the quotation below to read another reflection on learned happiness, this one courtesy of "the happiest man in the world."
“Our life can be greatly transformed by even a minimal change in how we manage our thoughts and perceive and interpret the world. Happiness is a skill. It requires effort and time.”

Strengths-focused Attending

Sometimes in life, we feel less wonderful than we might like. At those times, something inside may whisper to you that it is reasonable to expect to feel better. That is your own wisdom speaking to you. It is reasonable to expect to feel better. But how? The purpose of strengths-focused attending is to have a simple and practical way to reliably move in the direction of feeling better.

At times when we are feeling less than wonderful, we might feel like the cards are not stacked in our favor, there is no time for what we care about, we are not measuring up to the expectations of others, or some variation on such themes. If you happen to notice such feelings inside of you, well done! You are already doing the "attending." That is where it all begins.

Our experience of life is created from what we pay attention to. Our attention can move very quickly from one thing to the next. However, it is truly only possible to attend to, or focus on, one thing at a time. We pay attention to things outside of us, such as sunsets; feeling states inside of us, such as enjoyment; and thoughts, such as, "That is an awesome sunset. I wish I had my camera." While it may be enjoyable to pay attention to a sunset, there are also times when we may focus on feelings that are not enjoyable, such as feeling inadequate or anxious, for example.

We always have a choice about what to focus on, but do we exercise that choice? With some practice, you can create a habit of choosing what to focus on, instead of paying attention in a habitual way, to the same old things, feelings, and thoughts. There are different opinions about the best choice of what to pay attention to. Your own strengths is one good choice you can make. Strengths-focused attending is making a choice to focus and reflect on your own strengths, and the strengths of others. You can make a positive difference in how you feel by focusing on strengths.

So, what exactly is a "strength?" And how do you know when you are using one?  We are not talking about going to the gym, and how much you can bench press. Marcus Buckingham has clarified that strengths are not always the same as things-we-are-good-at. Things-we-are-good-at can sometimes be exhausting, or leave us feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. On the other hand, strengths are personal qualities that cause positive feelings in us when we are using them, and after using them, too. When we use our strengths, we feel satisfied, perhaps even proud, and energized afterward.

So, learn from how you are feeling. Get really interested in your feeling states, and focus attention on those moments when you feel a little better, even if you don't feel totally wonderful. Try to notice two kinds of feeling-a-little-better: 1. feeling better for reasons that are outside of you, and 2. feeling better for reasons that are inside of you. When you are feeling better for reasons inside yourself, that is a clue that you are using one or more of your strengths.

Ask yourself, "What positive qualities do I see in myself at this time?" Here, you are shifting your focus to your strengths. Are you solving some problem? Are you being intuitive? Are you enjoying nature? These are all strengths! Are you being empathic? or focused? or creative? or dependable? All strengths! There is no end to the variety of strengths humans can express. Take your time finding words to articulate your strengths. Take time to reflect on positive experiences you have had in the past. Some of your best experiences will point to positive qualities in your character.

When you pay attention to your strengths, you will begin to see them more readily. You will find more opportunities to use your strengths in the future. And those positive feelings that pointed you in the direction of your strengths will be felt again as you use your strengths.

It's a simple process. Pay attention to how you feel, or reflect on times when you felt good in the past. Look for positive qualities, or strengths, that are or were part of your positive experience. Keep paying attention to positive experiences and positive qualities... and they will grow. Attention is to experience as water is to a plant. The experiences that we pay attention to grow. They multiply. That is why choosing to pay attention to strengths is a reliable way to move in the direction of feeling better.

Strengths Focused Coaching (SfC)

I attended a coaching workshop led by Professor Emeritus Jerald Forster and Master Coach Fran Fisher. One of the tools they shared is a process for logging positive feelings and articulating strengths.

Briefly, the process goes like this:

1. Notice how you feel. Pay special attention to when you feel good, and notice the circumstances. Distinguish times when your positive qualities, or strengths, contributed to the events and circumstances that evoked positive feelings.

For example, if a sports team you follow won a game, you may feel great, but they did not win because of your awesomeness. However, if your bathroom remodel came out well, that might have been, in part, the result of your aesthetic, persistence, willingness to postpone gratification, leadership, or some other strengths.

2. For those positive feelings that seem to be associated with your strengths, write down a description of the positive feelings, and the circumstances surrounding your positive feelings. Then, write down the strengths that you are noticing.

3. After some time has passed, and you have logged several strengths, take the time to reflect on your listed strengths. Choose a strength to work with further that stands out as making you feel very good, or  making you feel curious about yourself. Try to find the very best words that could be used to communicate this strength to another person. Find words that make this strength uniquely your own.

For example, I might first list the strength "teacher." There are many ways to be a teacher. What do I teach? Who do I teach? When and why is this associated with positive feelings? How am I a teacher like no other? There are many questions one might ask oneself to evoke further articulation of this strength. The point is to pose questions to yourself that evoke a deeper, more personal articulation process.

4. After more time has passed, and the deep articulation process of step 3 has been done 20 times or more, edit your list down to 7 to 10 strengths that you enjoy the most.

And then? Keep doing this process, editing and evolving your list, and let this thought process become second nature to you. Make this a habit that supports your positive identity.

Please click this text to go to Professor Forster's Strengths Focused Coaching website. There, you can download a Word document called: LOG Entry Form. Keep the LOG on your desktop and make an entry whenever you recall a memory associated with positive feelings. You will find further instructions at this link as well.

Find out more about Fran Fisher and Jerald Forster's work:
www.franfisher-coach.com
www.strengths-focused-coaching.org

What Happens During a Meditation Class?

In your first meditation classes, you will learn important skills. Throughout your years of practicing meditation, you will continue to improve on a few basic skills.

1. You will learn a meditation posture.

A meditation posture is a comfortable, steady pose in which the head, neck and trunk are aligned. Your meditation posture will depend on how you feel comfortable. Some people sit on the floor. Others sit on a chair. 

2. You will learn to breathe diaphragmatically. 

There are very few people who by adulthood are naturally breathing diaphragmatically. On the other hand, all babies do. So, there are interventions to bring us back to a natural, relaxed diaphragmatic breath. Some of those interventions reduce stress and tension that many of us hold around the diaphragm: the large, domed muscle that attaches at the base of the ribcage. Other interventions build strength in the diaphragm. 

3. You will learn systematic relaxation.

Scanning your body is a simple practice that reveals areas of acute and chronic tension. Systematic body awareness relieves stress and improves health. 

4. You will learn breath awareness.

Noises, jerks, pauses, and shallowness are some of the irregularities that awareness and practice will eliminate from your breathing. 

5. You will learn to coordinate body, breath, and mind. 

Spinal breathing is a practice that combines body awareness, breath awareness, and mental focus. 

6. You will learn to regulate your breathing in a balanced and even way. 

Deep, even breathing, breathing that is balanced between the left and right nostrils is the gateway to higher meditation practices. Alternate nostril breathing is a practice that promotes balanced breathing. 

All along the way, your sense of peace and well-being expands. Your identity itself begins to include these tranquil feelings. And you are transformed.   

What I Do, The Elevator Version

It's like a spa for your mind. Sometimes it's like a gym.

I help people introspect. Bathe in the light of their own awareness. Build new mental muscles that improve their quality of life. I support people in applying their insights to living meaningful lives organized around their purpose and goals.

I work with individuals and groups on the phone, by Skype, or in person, either on site, or in my Portland, Oregon office.

In our meetings, I work with you in the modality of your choice, or a combination:
   1. Coaching
   2. Writing
   3. Meditation

My training for each modality is:
   1. Coach skills training course from Positive Acorn
   2. MA in Creative Writing from New York University
   3. 500-Hour Yoga Teacher Training from the Himalayan Institute of Yoga Science and Philosophy and 5000 Hour Certificate from Abhyasa Ashram School of Self Awareness

My Personal Mission Statement

My mission in life is to connect with people around what is the most meaningful to them, supporting them to explore and deepen their relationship to their values, meanings, insights, and life purpose.

--I will be honest and transparent about my training, internal as well as external life-experiences, strengths, as well as shortcomings to bring authenticity to my relationships.
--I will use my strength of perspective to reveal the inherent beauty and dignity of existence for myself and others.
--I will use my intuition to reveal and overcome obstacles that impede my and others' experience of connection and meaning in life.

The Description of My Book That I Could Write on a Business Card

This introspective workbook helps you observe and articulate your identifications with ideas, roles, things, emotions,  and other thoughts. It encourages you to ask, "Are these identifications who I REALLY am?" And it guides an inner exploration to substantiate the feeling that the answer to that question is NO.

Some Benefits of Working with Jennifer Rose

In each working relationship, I hold this vision for you:

--You will feel connected to your deepest meanings, and have time for them.
--You will gain insight into your essential nature.
--You will find the determination to take action on behalf of your best self.
--You will feel hopeful about your future, and well prepared for it.

Self Inquiry Enthusiast

Today I created a signature for my gmail as follows:

Jennifer Rose

Self Inquiry Enthusiast

Lover of Wisdom, Beauty, and Happiness

It is a work in progress. 

As a Self Inquiry Enthusiast I seek opportunities to share my excitement about introspection with others. I inspire others to know themselves better. 

In my first incarnation as a Self Inquiry Enthusiast I taught introspective journal writing workshops. I still enjoy guiding others in this method. I have innovated hundreds of writing assignments. When I work with someone in this modality, I usually custom design journaling experiences that are inspired by the hopes of the client. 

In my second incarnation as a Self Inquiry Enthusiast I taught yoga meditation. I am a passionate meditation mentor. I have outstanding teachers. They have given me a lot of insight to share with others. I teach simple skills that guide awareness from body to breath to mind and beyond. 

Now I am adding coaching to my methods for assisting others in Self Inquiry. I am being trained at Positive Acorn. I will use coaching as a tool for supporting people who wish to explore the spiritual dimensions of their lives. 

Most of us have had experiences in life that do not fit with our expectations. We have seen a door open to a different way of viewing the world. These experiences may be frightening, but at the same time exhilarating. In a dream, a vision, a "hallucination," in contemplation or close observation of life we have seen something inspiring. Every individual has a unique experience. Then we go on with life, rarely thinking of our own insight.

I would like to help you find that door again. 

; )

Relocation

Now in Portland, Oregon!