First Create a Habit of Success
by Jennifer Rose & Better Existence | August 10, 2015
If you have any so-called "bad" habits. You might be amazed at how easy it was to pick them up. Have a little ice cream at 7 pm on hot summer day, next day at 7pm, right on time, mind says "ice cream would be nice!" I am not really against ice cream. Most of us have one or two things that we believe not to be in our best interest that we continue doing all the same.
In addition, almost everyone can think of something that they know would be good for them ... that they just haven't gotten around to. Some of the common ones that I hear about are: go to bed or get up earlier, meditate every day, exercise every day, or eat fresh, healthy foods. Some people want to write every day, or sculpt, or play an instrument, or practice gratitude.
Why don't we do those things for our wellbeing that we sincerely wish to do?
Bad habits are easy to pick up. Maybe there are emotional and chemical responses we have to things such as processed sugars in the case of ice cream. Do you get a rush from going to bed on time? Sadly, no. We need to reinforce ourselves as we build our positive habits, because it does not come naturally.
Another obstacle is something I call "the habit of failure." The habit of failure sounds like this: "I can start tomorrow. I deserve a break. I know I won't finish it, why start? Why be hard on myself? I am too stressed, and I am too busy. I don't have time. It's a holiday." The habit of failure is a repetitive mental chatter that is "getting us off the hook" of our higher ideals on a very regular basis. The thoughts that hold us back sound very reasonable, they sound fun, and even kind. We might even say, "I am practicing self acceptance." Or, "I am a free spirit." Sounds good, right?
If we are not free to add healthy habits to our routine, is that really freedom? A habit of failure tells us that we can not trust ourselves. We say one thing, and we do another. We treat ourselves in a way that is two-faced. It's no fun at all to be treated like that.
You can replace a habit of failure with a habit of success.
One reason that we do not acquire positive habits is simply that we do not know how to do it. With a habit of success, one good habit will lead to many.
In brief, what you are going to do is: start with something so small that you are absolutely sure you will succeed; get help from a professional coach or a friend; plan carefully; give yourself credit for your successes; learn from your mistakes and move on.
1. Start with something so small that you are absolutely sure you will succeed.
There is not going to be any compromise, so take this very seriously. For example, you might have a goal of exercising 20 minutes every day. Ask yourself if you will really follow through on this commitment. If the answer is "yes," commit to 10 minutes instead. If the answer is "I'm not sure," make it 5 minutes, or 2 minutes. Make it ridiculously easy.
Don't worry, it will still be hard when the "habit of failure" voices start up. You are not going to listen to them this time.
2. Get help from a professional coach or a friend.
Consult with someone when you make your plan. Then, ask that person to hold you accountable on a daily basis. For example, I just completed a commitment to do a Wonder Woman pose for two minutes every day for forty days. I consulted with my friend Debz before I started. I chose a special emoji, and told her I was going to send her that emoji every day to show her that I had done my practice. I asked her to respond to celebrate my success with me.
In my professional coaching practice, I offer 1 time, 1 hour consultations to establish a success plan. And I currently provide accountability at no additional charge.
3. Plan carefully.
Get out your calendar. It takes about 40 days to form a positive habit. You can beat your habit of failure with some careful planning. What is coming up in the next 40 days? A vacation? A birthday? Your spouse's evaluation at work, or something else that makes them cranky? Which days are going to be difficult. Based on your assessment of these days, do you need to return to #1 and make it smaller? On the most difficult day, what can you commit to?
Are there any days that you will absolutely have to take off? Plan those out ahead of time, and extend your practice to 41, 42, 43 days.
Plan a regular time and place for your practice. Think about the flow of your day. When can you practice without interrupting anyone in your household? Hot tip: I did my Wonder Woman practice in the bathroom while my shower was heating up. People in my home are already accustomed to my habit of bathing. Adding another habit onto that one did not bother anyone.
Are there days when you will have to practice in another place? Visualize yourself doing your practice there. Will it work?
4. Give yourself credit for your successes.
We get emotional about our bad habits and our failures. For that reason, our minds register them. But a lot of us shrug off or ignore our successes. Force yourself to celebrate. You need to make your successes a positive emotional experience. Look in the mirror and tell yourself "you rock!" Give your mirror image a high-five. It is very important to consciously acknowledge that you are doing something positive.
5. Learn from your mistakes.
If you have any so-called "bad" habits. You might be amazed at how easy it was to pick them up. Have a little ice cream at 7 pm on hot summer day, next day at 7pm, right on time, mind says "ice cream would be nice!" I am not really against ice cream. Most of us have one or two things that we believe not to be in our best interest that we continue doing all the same.
In addition, almost everyone can think of something that they know would be good for them ... that they just haven't gotten around to. Some of the common ones that I hear about are: go to bed or get up earlier, meditate every day, exercise every day, or eat fresh, healthy foods. Some people want to write every day, or sculpt, or play an instrument, or practice gratitude.
Why don't we do those things for our wellbeing that we sincerely wish to do?
Bad habits are easy to pick up. Maybe there are emotional and chemical responses we have to things such as processed sugars in the case of ice cream. Do you get a rush from going to bed on time? Sadly, no. We need to reinforce ourselves as we build our positive habits, because it does not come naturally.
Another obstacle is something I call "the habit of failure." The habit of failure sounds like this: "I can start tomorrow. I deserve a break. I know I won't finish it, why start? Why be hard on myself? I am too stressed, and I am too busy. I don't have time. It's a holiday." The habit of failure is a repetitive mental chatter that is "getting us off the hook" of our higher ideals on a very regular basis. The thoughts that hold us back sound very reasonable, they sound fun, and even kind. We might even say, "I am practicing self acceptance." Or, "I am a free spirit." Sounds good, right?
If we are not free to add healthy habits to our routine, is that really freedom? A habit of failure tells us that we can not trust ourselves. We say one thing, and we do another. We treat ourselves in a way that is two-faced. It's no fun at all to be treated like that.
You can replace a habit of failure with a habit of success.
One reason that we do not acquire positive habits is simply that we do not know how to do it. With a habit of success, one good habit will lead to many.
In brief, what you are going to do is: start with something so small that you are absolutely sure you will succeed; get help from a professional coach or a friend; plan carefully; give yourself credit for your successes; learn from your mistakes and move on.
1. Start with something so small that you are absolutely sure you will succeed.
There is not going to be any compromise, so take this very seriously. For example, you might have a goal of exercising 20 minutes every day. Ask yourself if you will really follow through on this commitment. If the answer is "yes," commit to 10 minutes instead. If the answer is "I'm not sure," make it 5 minutes, or 2 minutes. Make it ridiculously easy.
Don't worry, it will still be hard when the "habit of failure" voices start up. You are not going to listen to them this time.
2. Get help from a professional coach or a friend.
Consult with someone when you make your plan. Then, ask that person to hold you accountable on a daily basis. For example, I just completed a commitment to do a Wonder Woman pose for two minutes every day for forty days. I consulted with my friend Debz before I started. I chose a special emoji, and told her I was going to send her that emoji every day to show her that I had done my practice. I asked her to respond to celebrate my success with me.
In my professional coaching practice, I offer 1 time, 1 hour consultations to establish a success plan. And I currently provide accountability at no additional charge.
3. Plan carefully.
Get out your calendar. It takes about 40 days to form a positive habit. You can beat your habit of failure with some careful planning. What is coming up in the next 40 days? A vacation? A birthday? Your spouse's evaluation at work, or something else that makes them cranky? Which days are going to be difficult. Based on your assessment of these days, do you need to return to #1 and make it smaller? On the most difficult day, what can you commit to?
Are there any days that you will absolutely have to take off? Plan those out ahead of time, and extend your practice to 41, 42, 43 days.
Plan a regular time and place for your practice. Think about the flow of your day. When can you practice without interrupting anyone in your household? Hot tip: I did my Wonder Woman practice in the bathroom while my shower was heating up. People in my home are already accustomed to my habit of bathing. Adding another habit onto that one did not bother anyone.
Are there days when you will have to practice in another place? Visualize yourself doing your practice there. Will it work?
4. Give yourself credit for your successes.
We get emotional about our bad habits and our failures. For that reason, our minds register them. But a lot of us shrug off or ignore our successes. Force yourself to celebrate. You need to make your successes a positive emotional experience. Look in the mirror and tell yourself "you rock!" Give your mirror image a high-five. It is very important to consciously acknowledge that you are doing something positive.
5. Learn from your mistakes.
Don't let any failure go by without learning something from it. Be firm. Be kind. Did you commit to too much time? Did you overlook a challenging day when you were planning?
Be very specific in working out how you will take this failure and turn it into a success. Will you do two practice periods the next day? Will you add a day to the end of your 40 day period? Do you need to begin your forty days again from the beginning? Think it through, because your habit of failure is just waiting to say, "you didn't REALLY do what you set out to do," and you can not let this happen.
6. Move on.
It is important to return to the practice, as scheduled, after making a mistake. You must succeed to make success a habit. That is the underlying purpose here.
One good habit follows another.
I have a friend who started with a morning Tai Chi practice. Once she knew how to establish a good habit, she thought about the other things she wanted in her life, and she created positive habits for creative writing, healthy eating, and meditation.
Empower yourself! Build a habit of success!
Start With a 2-Minute Meditation Practice
You can build your habit of success with a 2-minute meditation practice. I developed these meditation cards that systematically build a deep practice in just two minutes per day. Make a commitment to try them for 40 days. Call or email me to schedule a consultation, and we will get you started.
1 comment:
Wonderful!
Post a Comment